Yesterday, I buried my brother. Everyone, even myself, say that blood is thicker. No one ever tells you how bad it hurts when it is ripped from your being like the vacuum of space. And it isn't that I am anger or feel that someone should have told me at some point in my life because I don't think it would have mattered. I would still feel the shards of sorrow and anger that have torn my heart to pieces. Yet, I can't help but think, I wish someone would have. I wish someone would have told me how mentally and physically crippling such a loss can be or that roses on a casket isn't that last time you'll cry. Perhaps then I could have been a bit more prepared.
It has been 11 days since Rory passed away and I still find myself in disbelief and that any minute hes going to walk through the door (without knocking as was his way) as if nothing happened. I know it will get easier but, sometimes I wonder if I want it to get easier. Sometimes I think I don't want it to get easier because, I fear that if it does I will forget the little things that made my older brother who he was. The wide set stance he had, every monkey bump that he gave me, the starry wonder that lay in his eyes. I could tell you stories for countless nights but perhaps we can save that for another time. Instead let me tell you who Rory was. My brother was one of the most passionate people I know, really I could say that about any of my siblings. He had a fire that drove him. All that he did was for family, for myself, for all his girls. I like to think that Rory was a sainted sinner. Generosity was one of his greatest qualities. Farms saved and fixed car problems filled my ears this past week. Genuine friends and sincere hearts filled the church yesterday. I wish I could tell you more but at this time I do not believe I can stomach it.
We're all travelers, all on the same road to Damascus. Take note of those around you. Make well with those in your caravan. As always stay humble and stay blessed friends.
Sunday, August 14, 2016
Thursday, June 2, 2016
Damascus is Calling
There is a question I ask myself on a daily basis. It seems simple enough I suppose yet, to answer is not quite so easy. And the question is this, "Why do you go?" Let us not confuse this question with, where do you go. Where can be quite subjective considering the ominous where in life can shift and sometimes constantly, depending on the will of The Creator. But, why? Now there is a question that will bring anyone to a state of reflection. For what purpose do you go? To what end do you struggle to accomplish? Family? Self-gratification? What drives you? To be honest I have found that the answer to this question more times than not has multiple answers, rarely is it a singular cause. Then we are faced with the dilemma of how do we answer such things. Frankly, it is quite simple. What is calling you? What do you see when you are at your breaking point? What idea tugs on you as if someone had tied a kite around you body? I know its short but, nonetheless it has been my food for thought recently. Until next we meet (which I hope to be relatively soon) stay blessed friends.
Tuesday, October 27, 2015
Sunday Morning Sidewalks
I love Sundays. I think I can say that Sunday is my favorite day of the week. Wednesday would have to be a close second, I am not sure why but, I just love Wednesday. But, Sunday, that is what we are here to talk about. I very much enjoy Sunday, especially the mornings. I love going to church every Sunday. I love feeling the presence of the Almighty God, this in not to say that the only time I feel His presence is on Sunday morning during the church service, on the contrary each day I wander in His Glory. However, there is a certain aspect to this on Sunday morning, being gathered together in a body of believers. My soul rejoices at the chance to see the faces of those I love and what's more is I can feel the love they have towards me. I am fortunate enough to belong to an awesome church, a very healing church actually. It isn't a matter of worrying about judgement or any of that but, just feeling the love of Christ. There is no perfect church. If you are looking for one you might as well stop now because each and every one of us is broken and only made whole by the sacrifice of Christ our Savior. We're all sinners, one of my favorite authors, Robert Louis Stevenson, said this, "The saints are the sinners who keep on trying." What a concept! Notice the word "keep" not "kept" it isn't past put present. We "keep" on trying. That is all of us, so long as we keep on trying, so long as we live in the Love. That is what church is a bunch of sainted sinners that no matter how lost, damaged, or broken we are, we are going to gather together in acknowledgement of our iniquities but, by the Goodness of our Father in Heaven we are made new by the acceptance of the Sacrifice of the Son.
To be made new, I like that thought. I think that is part of the reason I enjoy Sundays. Sunday the beginning of the week. Whether or not you get to enjoy Sunday as a day off it marks something new a chance to start over, as it were. Bad week? Hey, here's a Sunday to start over. I mean, I suppose one could do that with each sunrise. But, a new week is always nice, it gives you more time to plan the goals you need to set for yourself. I believe it gives us a new chance to focus our lives on the more important things in life. At the start of a new week I find myself thinking and talking with God on where He wants me to be, making sure I am headed in the right direction for where I know I need to be. Every Sunday I get the chance to center myself around His infinite wisdom and the splendor I find in His word.
Then, I have to say that my favorite way to close out a Sunday is to either take my camera or my dog out for a walk. I rarely take both, wrangling a two year old 60-70 puppy is hard to do when you are trying to take photos. I love to wander. My whole life I have been a wanderer. I love to explore the grandeur that the Creator has put at our fingertips. To see the sunsets in all there wonder. I do not understand how it is that one can walk upon this earth and especially when you get out into "nature" and not see the wonders of God. I know I am starting to sound like a transcendentalist but, honestly how? I suppose (and sincerely I mean not to offend anyone) it is because their eyes are not open or more accurately they and not awake, spiritually that is. It is hard to see the majesty of the Creator if you have not decided to look upon the world with His eyes. Even if we disregarded the nature of this world for a moment and just look at people. When you walk through life and see the beauty and ultimate potential in each individual you come encounter with. What a spectacle, and to know that God does not sleep, that at every single moment of or existence He is trying to tap into our potential, that he never gives up trying to lift His children up to the heights he created them to dwell in. How blessed and fortunate are we to be able to see and experience all these things. I am always living in constant amazement at His power as I wander every waking minute in His Glory.
That is why I love Sundays. Why to me it is the most fulfilling day of my week. And when all that runs out throughout the course of the week I get to start all over again the next Sunday. Eh, perhaps I'll talk about Wednesday sometime. Stay blessed friends.
To be made new, I like that thought. I think that is part of the reason I enjoy Sundays. Sunday the beginning of the week. Whether or not you get to enjoy Sunday as a day off it marks something new a chance to start over, as it were. Bad week? Hey, here's a Sunday to start over. I mean, I suppose one could do that with each sunrise. But, a new week is always nice, it gives you more time to plan the goals you need to set for yourself. I believe it gives us a new chance to focus our lives on the more important things in life. At the start of a new week I find myself thinking and talking with God on where He wants me to be, making sure I am headed in the right direction for where I know I need to be. Every Sunday I get the chance to center myself around His infinite wisdom and the splendor I find in His word.
Then, I have to say that my favorite way to close out a Sunday is to either take my camera or my dog out for a walk. I rarely take both, wrangling a two year old 60-70 puppy is hard to do when you are trying to take photos. I love to wander. My whole life I have been a wanderer. I love to explore the grandeur that the Creator has put at our fingertips. To see the sunsets in all there wonder. I do not understand how it is that one can walk upon this earth and especially when you get out into "nature" and not see the wonders of God. I know I am starting to sound like a transcendentalist but, honestly how? I suppose (and sincerely I mean not to offend anyone) it is because their eyes are not open or more accurately they and not awake, spiritually that is. It is hard to see the majesty of the Creator if you have not decided to look upon the world with His eyes. Even if we disregarded the nature of this world for a moment and just look at people. When you walk through life and see the beauty and ultimate potential in each individual you come encounter with. What a spectacle, and to know that God does not sleep, that at every single moment of or existence He is trying to tap into our potential, that he never gives up trying to lift His children up to the heights he created them to dwell in. How blessed and fortunate are we to be able to see and experience all these things. I am always living in constant amazement at His power as I wander every waking minute in His Glory.
That is why I love Sundays. Why to me it is the most fulfilling day of my week. And when all that runs out throughout the course of the week I get to start all over again the next Sunday. Eh, perhaps I'll talk about Wednesday sometime. Stay blessed friends.
Friday, October 23, 2015
New Shoes
It is always good to have good shoes when traveling, that is if you are not a Hobbit in which case you don't need shoes (some will understand that some won't). The road is long and you don't want to wear yourself out during the first leg of the journey.
I moved to Idaho a year and three months ago. The whole time working at a plastics company, first as a molder working the 700 degree ovens then as a trimmer, trimming the plastic parts that came off of the ovens. On Wednesday last I ended my tenure at this company to become a server at Denny's. I survived my first shift as a waiter (granted the majority of it was the computer based training). I was not happy with my job at the plastics company but, I tried my best to make good out of it and there was some good that did present itself. However, without too much detail and saving the argument for a more appropriate subject, the environment and treatment that the employees is quite sub-par so, it is very difficult to find fulfillment and satisfaction there.
Why do I tell you this? I tell you largely because of the lesson I have learned and to be honest am still learning these moments. The road we travel is far more than just a walking holiday. There are mountains to climb valleys to brave and rivers to cross. Obstacles and difficulties do arise. And we have to endure them. There really isn't an option in this, you have to push through. Now don't take this as me telling you by any means to suck it up and soldier because I understand just how brutally painful this situations can be. J.R.R. Tolkien, my favorite author is attributed with two saying that I have always held dear. "Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." and "You can only come to the morning through the shadows." I believe these two quotes to hold much truth. It has been a extremely difficult year for me and well to be honest I am still facing some trials in my life. But, we do have to keep walking, hence the importance of good shoes. I just had to buy slip resistant shoes for my new job as a server, one must have proper footing if we are going to make it to Damascus. And if i am being frank with you I have to tell you that my good footing is grounded in my faith in Christ and the promises of my Creator. Personally I do not believe I could ever come to the morning, I would never make it through the shadows without my faith. I do believe that God intervenes in my life daily. I can feel the presence of His grace constantly surrounding me and it only intensifies in my moments of trial.
It is also very important I believe that we don't try to rush through these obstacles that arise in our path. We must realize that things take time. You may physically and literally come to a morning through what may seem the longest night of your life but, that does not mean the problems we are dealing will be gone. One does not climb a mountain or traverse a mountain range of ups and downs in one night. But, hold tight so long as we keep traveling we can get there and it will be easier, for a time. I won't promise you that there is only ever one trial. Remember that no one ever promised you a life of easy, take it as a given that life has troubles. We all traveling on this road together though, if need be you can borrow my shoes for a time, all you have to do is ask.
I moved to Idaho a year and three months ago. The whole time working at a plastics company, first as a molder working the 700 degree ovens then as a trimmer, trimming the plastic parts that came off of the ovens. On Wednesday last I ended my tenure at this company to become a server at Denny's. I survived my first shift as a waiter (granted the majority of it was the computer based training). I was not happy with my job at the plastics company but, I tried my best to make good out of it and there was some good that did present itself. However, without too much detail and saving the argument for a more appropriate subject, the environment and treatment that the employees is quite sub-par so, it is very difficult to find fulfillment and satisfaction there.
Why do I tell you this? I tell you largely because of the lesson I have learned and to be honest am still learning these moments. The road we travel is far more than just a walking holiday. There are mountains to climb valleys to brave and rivers to cross. Obstacles and difficulties do arise. And we have to endure them. There really isn't an option in this, you have to push through. Now don't take this as me telling you by any means to suck it up and soldier because I understand just how brutally painful this situations can be. J.R.R. Tolkien, my favorite author is attributed with two saying that I have always held dear. "Faithless is he who says farewell when the road darkens." and "You can only come to the morning through the shadows." I believe these two quotes to hold much truth. It has been a extremely difficult year for me and well to be honest I am still facing some trials in my life. But, we do have to keep walking, hence the importance of good shoes. I just had to buy slip resistant shoes for my new job as a server, one must have proper footing if we are going to make it to Damascus. And if i am being frank with you I have to tell you that my good footing is grounded in my faith in Christ and the promises of my Creator. Personally I do not believe I could ever come to the morning, I would never make it through the shadows without my faith. I do believe that God intervenes in my life daily. I can feel the presence of His grace constantly surrounding me and it only intensifies in my moments of trial.
It is also very important I believe that we don't try to rush through these obstacles that arise in our path. We must realize that things take time. You may physically and literally come to a morning through what may seem the longest night of your life but, that does not mean the problems we are dealing will be gone. One does not climb a mountain or traverse a mountain range of ups and downs in one night. But, hold tight so long as we keep traveling we can get there and it will be easier, for a time. I won't promise you that there is only ever one trial. Remember that no one ever promised you a life of easy, take it as a given that life has troubles. We all traveling on this road together though, if need be you can borrow my shoes for a time, all you have to do is ask.
Thursday, October 22, 2015
The Road to Damascus
I think we all live on a road to Damascus. I do put this in all the metaphorical and biblical terms that it implies. In the Bible in the book of Acts, the apostle Paul (at the time called Saul) was on his way to Damascus to road up and imprison the Christians there while on his way there he had a divine intervention of the most literal kind. Christ appearing in a bright light asking Paul why he was persecuting him. Paul was then blind for several days. This event would lead to Paul's conversion to Christianity. So, there gives you the title for this blog and this post as well. But, truly I do believe we all live and travel done this road. Whether one believes in Christianity or not we travel down the road filled with a purpose, and often there are things that popped up in our path, sometimes divine and other times not so divine.
My sister, Emily, told me a little over a month or so ago that I should start a blog. I could not really see a reason too. I mean I have always enjoyed writing, especially poetry. Writing has always been a love affair of mine I suppose, my thoughts going on to the paper, the transition from my hand to the pen, then the ink to the paper has always given me a sense of satisfaction. I have however never entertained the idea so much as to people reading what I right, unless I intend it for a person or want them to read it. Yet, recently life has been funny. My road to Damascus has been a bit winding I suppose. I have never like the term "starting a new chapter" when it comes to a new direction or decision in life but for lack of a better phrase at the moment I suppose that is exactly what has happened. So, I decided last night why not start a blog. Why not put my thoughts out there? Perhaps someone will find some fulfillment in my words, perhaps I will find fulfillment in a response someone give me, who knows?
I am most definitely a religious person and a Christian so, there will be quite a few posts circulating around that, not that I feel that I should warn you but just part of the idea as to what this blog will contain. There will probably be some poetry in it as well, just in case that may offend anyone (note the sarcasm). Political ideas and the like as well I suppose. Stories, I do love to tell stories. So, this blog will contain quite a bit.
Anyway, back the road I was talking about. We all move forward (as best we can) in life for something. Even if we do not know what the something is yet. I say yet because I believe eventually at some point we find out what that something is, every single one of us. That point on the road usually being the intervention much like Paul's. Sure, Paul knew he was headed to Damascus to arrest Christians but I don't think Paul had ever really examined his purpose, nor did he ever think it would head in the direction it did. Not two years ago would I have ever thought that I would be in Idaho working towards my degree in education while living in a studio apartment. Yet here I am doing exactly that. I guess what I am trying to say is that none of us know where the road to Damascus leads and all of our roads are different, yet we still travel together (if you can make any sense of that). I know I have been rather vague as to my own journey to Damascus at this point but pray bear with me if you will (after all we have only just met). If you find yourself reading this, stick to the road, you may not end up in Damascus literally, or metaphorically. But, it is a journey and life as I see it is very much like a quest even if you do not know what you are questing for. You and I may prove to be great companion on this quest so, will you share the road with me?
My sister, Emily, told me a little over a month or so ago that I should start a blog. I could not really see a reason too. I mean I have always enjoyed writing, especially poetry. Writing has always been a love affair of mine I suppose, my thoughts going on to the paper, the transition from my hand to the pen, then the ink to the paper has always given me a sense of satisfaction. I have however never entertained the idea so much as to people reading what I right, unless I intend it for a person or want them to read it. Yet, recently life has been funny. My road to Damascus has been a bit winding I suppose. I have never like the term "starting a new chapter" when it comes to a new direction or decision in life but for lack of a better phrase at the moment I suppose that is exactly what has happened. So, I decided last night why not start a blog. Why not put my thoughts out there? Perhaps someone will find some fulfillment in my words, perhaps I will find fulfillment in a response someone give me, who knows?
I am most definitely a religious person and a Christian so, there will be quite a few posts circulating around that, not that I feel that I should warn you but just part of the idea as to what this blog will contain. There will probably be some poetry in it as well, just in case that may offend anyone (note the sarcasm). Political ideas and the like as well I suppose. Stories, I do love to tell stories. So, this blog will contain quite a bit.
Anyway, back the road I was talking about. We all move forward (as best we can) in life for something. Even if we do not know what the something is yet. I say yet because I believe eventually at some point we find out what that something is, every single one of us. That point on the road usually being the intervention much like Paul's. Sure, Paul knew he was headed to Damascus to arrest Christians but I don't think Paul had ever really examined his purpose, nor did he ever think it would head in the direction it did. Not two years ago would I have ever thought that I would be in Idaho working towards my degree in education while living in a studio apartment. Yet here I am doing exactly that. I guess what I am trying to say is that none of us know where the road to Damascus leads and all of our roads are different, yet we still travel together (if you can make any sense of that). I know I have been rather vague as to my own journey to Damascus at this point but pray bear with me if you will (after all we have only just met). If you find yourself reading this, stick to the road, you may not end up in Damascus literally, or metaphorically. But, it is a journey and life as I see it is very much like a quest even if you do not know what you are questing for. You and I may prove to be great companion on this quest so, will you share the road with me?
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